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You won’t catch me at the best science conference in the world!

I don’t want to go to Pittcon in Orlando in 2012. I just want to make that clear from the beginning. I don’t want to go to what is, after all, only the world’s largest science conference and exposition. Orlando, known as ‘The City Beautiful’ holds no interest for me and neither does Pittcon 2012.

I don’t want to see any of the latest instrumental and technical innovations being presented by over 930 exhibitors, as helpful and informative as they will be. And, naturally, I want nothing to do with the diverse technical programme – with more than 2,000 technical presentations – or the 90 short courses that are only going to enhance my educational experience after all.

Needless to say, I have no desire at all to attend any of the networking sessions which will only provide a brilliant opportunity to exchange ideas and swap insights with top scientific practitioners from all around the world.

Obviously I have no interest (especially!) in the Capstone Lecture: Redesigning DNA: Fixing God’s Mistakes – just because Seven Benner will talk about revolutionising DNA-targeted diagnostics, the design of nanomachines, and the search for alien life on other planets. Why should I want to go to something that sounds that fascinating? And that goes for the hundreds of other fabulous abstracts and spoken presentations too!

And most, most, especially I do not want to go to Stand 3603 and talk to Sean Marshall from Synthesis Media and Andy Long from Labface.com to hear about how their recent collaboration will mean increased visibility for customers through better advert placements and targeted linking. Or indeed how this represents a move towards a fully-optimised online marketing service for all scientific companies.

That’s Stand 3603, if you are going to Pittcon 2012 and want to have a chat about the way you can really improve the profile of your company by online marketing. I would say: “see you there”; but of course: I DON’T WANT TO GO!

Not that I was asked, of course.

Have a good time, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.